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Would you be mad at your husband for this?
My husband and I have wanted to have a baby for a few years, but due to some medical problems, we can’t right now. So, he has three nephews that are close to our age and each of them has been married more recently. Now, each of them were pregnant except one. I have been very happy for them and know that children are a blessing. Yes, I cry tears in private because it does hurt because we are not able to live that dream right now, but outwardly, I have been very happy for them. So anyway…I have had an incling that the third nephew and wife were pregnant and I asked my husband if they were last week, he said “no, not as far as I know”…Ok…fine with me. So Monday I was on facebook and see a post from the wife of the nephew announcing their pregancy. So, I write her a note of congrats and how happy I am or them. She happened to have a “baby blog’ that we could read to catch up on the baby. Well, I read that back in early February, they told family about the pregnancy. So…again, I go home, and tell my husband about the blog and asked if he knew…then straight to my face he says…”no, I didn’t know anything.” well, we shared words of joy with eachother for them and went on with our night…
About an hour later, I said to him, “you guys are all so close I just can’t believe they didn’t tell you..shocks me” then he chucked and said…”I knew”….My tears started flowing immediatly. I couldn’t believe that he knew and lied to me. He had ample opportuinty to tell me. This mainly hurts because it is not the first time he has “kept” things from me. And it always has to do with his family. I come to find out that they specifically said not to tell me. Even though they told everyone else in the family. For the record….I have no past of telling secrets or anything like that. This is also not the first time the family has excluded me. They seem to have a click and I am obviously not part of it. So, the final reason this hurts is that we have tried so hard to have a baby and I just wish he would have told me instead of me finding out on facebook. It was embarrassing that I was the only family memeber leaving a congrats note because the entire family has known for a month and here I am….demoted. What should I do?
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13 Responses for “Would you be mad at your husband for this?”
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They do not sound like good people, I’m sorry.
I just think that you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. Did you find out why he lied? Maybe he did it to protect your feelings. It’s not like he lied about having an affair… Give’em the benefit of the doubt. Have you thought about how this might be affecting him? Maybe he’s hurt that he can’t have a baby, and maybe he isn’t exactly “thrilled” to broadcast another person’s pregnancy…
Cool out and calm down.
I think it comes down to your relationship with your husband. He needs for the family to include you and if they tell him not to tell you then he should inform them that he does not want to know. I would give him the silent treatment for a while. Don’t cry, give him a taste of his own medicine and do your own thing and don’t say a word. Let him guess what your up to. Tell him never again. Soon you will have a family and he must start acting like a man, not a little boy.
This is a very delicate situation. Everyone is happy for the expectant couple but don’t want to hurt you and your hubby and/or add to your stress of not being able to have a baby right now. Maybe you and your hubby need to talk about having a family meeting and letting everyone know that they don’t need to walk on eggshells around because of your situation. Let them know that yes it hurts but that it hurts more to be left out and be treated like this. Let them know that you’re both adults and realize that life deals us all different things we have to deal with and while you appreciate that they love you and want to protect you that doing it this way is hurting you. I’m sure they’ll understand and breathe a sigh of relief.
Now about your hubby-yeah I’d be a little miffed at him but men can be such doofs when it comes to knowing how to handle delicate issues. Give him a break but do talk to him about honesty. He shouldn’t be lying to you under any situation.
What else has he ’selectively’ not told you (with a straight face at that!)? I would have red flags and alarm bells going on all over.
let it go!!
perhaps, they didn’t want to upset you by letting you know another nephew was having a baby and were waiting for the right time. apparently, you’re very emotional over all this baby stuff.
learn to get on with your life and if a baby happens, great. if not, oh well.
i wouldnt be mad, i think he didnt tell you because of your situation with not being able to have a child right now, and didnt wanna see you hurt over someone else having your dream! no, i wouldnt be mad at all.
If and when you get pregnant, refuse to tell them.
sounds like he didn’t tell you because they were trying not to upset you because you can’t be pregnant at this time. maybe they didn’t go about it the right way, but i don’t think thy were trying to hurt you.
I agree with most here. It’s most likely they didnt want to hurt your feelings. They know how much you want a baby (being that the family is so close, and your husband has probably told them) and they wanted to spare you pain and jealousy. It’s so normal for you to feel this way, and Im sure your husband was only trying to protect your feelings. It obviously made things worse, but Im sure if you ask him why he lied, he has a legitimate excuse. As for the family, you say they exclude you all the time? from telling you things about the kids? or babies? well them too are trying to spare your feelings. Unless they are excluding you from other things, then I think it’s up to your husband to talk to them, and let them know how you feel, and how its’ hurting him too by treating you this way. Let him stick up for you, and hopefully by talking to him, you can get things out on the open, and see what everyone is feeling. Im so sorry you havent been able to get pregnant, but your time will come. Once you stop stressing your body will relax and GOD is great and will give you a precious little one, I think you are trying too hard and just stressing yourself out. I had a friend like that, and when she finally let it go and stop trying she became pregnant!! so good luck and pray ALOT!
And this hurt you how? Did you lose money? No. Your husband didn’t volunteer not to tell you. He was asked. By family. It’s not his decision to make, but if he promised, he made a promise to a family member. The fact that the family excluded you is lamentable, but they wouldn’t do it for no reason. Maybe you can’t keep a secret? It might be your fault that this happened. They would have a reason to want to exclude you.
This isn’t your baby, and it’s not your family by blood. You have to make allowances that your husband has prior allegiances, and that he might have conflicting reasons, himself, to side with his family. I’m sure he’s not out to hurt you. You need to get some thicker skin. Either that, or you’ve got to learn how to keep secrets youself, so you can be worthy of being told them!
What’s really going on here? This isn’t about their or the baby you will soon have is it? Its about trust and we should call it for what it is. What would you do if you were them? Tell you knowing how much you want a child? I would like to think they were trying to be considerate of your feelings. That brings us back to hubby. I would like to believe he knows about your silent tears. Sometimes, when we love someone we want to protect them or fix them. I would like to believe in this case he knew if he told you the news, he wouldn’t be able to do either. Now if you’re the type you don’t want to be left out not matter what, tell him. Tell the family also. Tell them you understand that they didn’t want pain you. But you are dealing with your situation and want to be part of the family. Tell them to let you deal with awkward subjects be them good or bad. Tell hubby the same! Give him a break but tell him what you want from this point on. I have the feeling he will abide by your wishes.
Good luck and Godspeed to ya.
I think he was trying to protect you. He knows you’ve been crying “tears in private”. It might not have been the right thing to do but I think his heart was in the right place…..cut him a little slack. I think he did this out of love for you, he knew you’d find out eventually…